I wish I knew the words to say to make you stay, the words to tell myself in the middle of the day when this insecurity of what we have between you and me comes creeping. I wish I knew how to keep you here, to make you see me. Some days, I feel invisible as a ghost in your presence. And I'd love to discuss ideas, not people. And I'd love to discuss feelings, not facts. I'd love to discuss the aftermath, not the events. And I'd love for you to read these words, but who are we kidding? You're only half listening.
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If life were simple, we wouldn't have any stories. We wouldn't have any material to build them with. Stories are complex. They're filled with plot twists and tension-filled climaxes. Characters differ and sometimes they even disagree. There aren't always happy endings, but then again, a good story doesn't simply just "end." I don't think that I would very much like to live in a simple life. I don't think that I could live without stories.
I'm not always like this, but it's becoming a more common state these days. Someone flipped the switch back off. I fizzled out. Burned out. It's just going through the motions. It's just knowing that other people have laid so much faith in this sad flesh, that they have so much riding on my back. Smile. Tomorrow's a new day, right?
Some people spend their entire lives searching -- searching for faith, love, belief... Some people spend their entire lives pretending -- pretending that they feel when they're empty.
All I can think is, how sad and lonely it must be to live life this way, always waiting for that grand miracle, that life changing event. I wish I could open their eyes. I wish I could make them see the little things, to feel the little miracles: the sweet heartache of spring, the musically induced eruption of the soul, the balloon of poetic inspiration swelling inside... These things, a scene, a song, a string of words... They're different for everyone, and they're simple, oh so simple, but does that make them any less credible? Should we believe in them any less? If our hearts and souls long for such things, why should we dismiss them as being ordinary? We devout our entire lives to our Bibles and religious upbringings only to be left feeling so often empty and alone. Is it so hard to place a bit of our faith in what we can honestly and confidently say we believe in? Yes, I do, personally and based upon my own experiences, believe in a higher power, be it a Christian God or another being, but these days I think that I believe more in the music, in the poetry, in the ever changing scenes outside my window, in the things that got me through all those rough times and the things that keep me going still. Maybe it's because I believe there's a bit of soul, a bit of spirit, to be found in every living thing. You just have find it. Admittedly I've been slacking off a bit around here. However, there are a few new bits floating around here and there. Most notably and recently are the following poems, which I finally got around to uploading. Take a peek if you are so intrigued: xoxo,
Liz Strip me out of these clothes
And pull me out of my mind. I want to make something beautiful. Baby, the way we move, Some people call this an art. June 1st 1:25AM
And I keep begging myself not to do this, not to play these games. And I keep begging myself to fall in love. June 5th 11:19AM Maybe we're just not on the same wave length. June 5th 8:58PM We're just mosaics of the past. June 6th 12:57AM My heart burns just like the sun, but it's still all hollow on the inside. June 6th 12:58AM Talking to you is like walking towards a dead end. June 6th 12:58AM And my eyes feel weighted down by cinder blocks. June 6th 1:00AM We can't unknow what we already know. June 6th 11:55AM Rainy days and sleepless nights. June 6th 11:56AM I wish my heart was made of metal. June 9th 11:55PM Miles away and I feel like I'm losing you to every pretty girl that walks by, losing you to the current. Depend on no one. You are your own and you are responsible for yourself.
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