It's nights like these that I wonder why I'm here or if I have a purpose or if I'll ever find it. And I stay awake like this trying to imagine what God would be like if I met him tomorrow and if he'd live up to my expectations. Then again, what can one expect from God? Some would say everything, others nothing. But if he exists and he created us, what is it that he had in mind? Why did he make us so flawed if he made us in his image? Why did he make life so hard if he loved us so much?
It's nights like these when I can barely keep my eyes open, but my mind won't shut up, and I tried to preset my coffee pot for the morning, but turned it on instead so now the fresh brewed sent lingers over my bed, nudging me from sleep.
It's nights like these when I come home to find my parents in another fit and the more I try to listen and console, the more confused I get. And they insist on taking sides, even though they claim the opposite, and I feel like a little ragdoll being pulled this way and that, until I'm finally torn in half.
It's nights like these when I wish I could be honest and open up and spill my bloody guts all over for someone else to clean up. All I want is for someone to say "I'm sure everything with your parents will work out fine. Don't worry about it." or "Fuck that shit. Screw them. You've got your whole life." or even just "I'm sorry... can I listen?" And I know I don't NEED permission, but I do need to know whether or not you actually care before I open up to you.
And it's nights like this that I wish I could open up to you, wish that I thought you might be interested in anything I have to say. It's nights like this that I sit here wondering what I'm doing wrong and how I can make things right. I have three hours til morning and a suitcase that needs to be packed and I don't know if I want to leave because I'm so afraid of what I'll have to come home to.
It's nights like these that I wish I could fall asleep.
It's nights like these when I can barely keep my eyes open, but my mind won't shut up, and I tried to preset my coffee pot for the morning, but turned it on instead so now the fresh brewed sent lingers over my bed, nudging me from sleep.
It's nights like these when I come home to find my parents in another fit and the more I try to listen and console, the more confused I get. And they insist on taking sides, even though they claim the opposite, and I feel like a little ragdoll being pulled this way and that, until I'm finally torn in half.
It's nights like these when I wish I could be honest and open up and spill my bloody guts all over for someone else to clean up. All I want is for someone to say "I'm sure everything with your parents will work out fine. Don't worry about it." or "Fuck that shit. Screw them. You've got your whole life." or even just "I'm sorry... can I listen?" And I know I don't NEED permission, but I do need to know whether or not you actually care before I open up to you.
And it's nights like this that I wish I could open up to you, wish that I thought you might be interested in anything I have to say. It's nights like this that I sit here wondering what I'm doing wrong and how I can make things right. I have three hours til morning and a suitcase that needs to be packed and I don't know if I want to leave because I'm so afraid of what I'll have to come home to.
It's nights like these that I wish I could fall asleep.