Piece by broken piece, I'm starting to put together the puzzle. One day, when everything is set in place, I know it'll be such a beautiful picture. But it's the tragedies and the fuck ups, the heart breaks and the hard luck that we carry with us. Those are the things that change us, but not define us. They are the turning points. They are the wake up calls. They are the anti-role models and the bad examples I won't become. They are the flashing red lights, the warning signs, the pain she feels when she touches a hot stove that tells her to pull her hand away. They force us to open our eyes. They force us to change. But no matter how much we alter ourselves and the world around us, they still exist, always creeping in the back our minds. They're still there, jagged little pieces of our past, a back drop, a history. Alone, they're nothing but bad memories, but pieced together we can use them to make us a better tomorrow. We just have to survive them first.
May 10th 1:45pm
And so my body caves in on itself at last
May 10th 2:12pm
I want to spend Friday nights getting wasted with those I call friends and making drunken amends with those I don't.
May 10th 4:00pm
I want to spin words for a living and if I can't make a living drip dropping these lines, then I'll starve choking on every misplaced adjective and adverb with a smile stuck on my lips.
I might not be the prettiest or the funniest, the smartest or the most graceful, but I swear I have the biggest heart.
Monday April 30, 11:22am
Starving ourselves skinny, like our outward appearance will have any impact on our soul.
Monday April 30, 11:23am
I could sleep for days, it's the nights I can't control.
Tuesday May 1, 9:53am
Signing off every letter with X's and O's
Tuesday May 1 10:01am
Wearing myself thin fighting a fight against an enemy that looks a lot like me in the mirror
Saturday May 5, 12:55am
And the worst nightmares are the ones of you with your arms wrapped around her