Forgive me for being so distant lately. Life has been incredibly busy, in a good but demanding way. This post isn't to announce anything new or exciting. It's not to tell you that I finally updated... well, anything, or to promote a new band, or give you something entertaining to try at home. It's just me rambling about my thoughts and recent discoveries. Maybe it's stimulating. Maybe it's garbage. You'll just have to read on to find out.
A few hours ago, I just finally came to realize something incredibly honest and true. Granted, I already knew this (or I had an inkling of the larger picture at least), but my overtired brain took it all a step further.
Our world is set up with all kinds of crazy laws. We have signs to tell us when to walk, to stop, to go, where to eat, when to enter, to remind us to wash our hands, that smoking is only permitted outdoors, and that shirt and shoes are required if we expect any sort of customer service. When those fail, society steps in and creates its own set of social norms -- often dependent on geographical location, but varying only slightly from place to place. These norms, which are frequently and deliberately enforced by religious institutions as well as the work place and learning environments, tell us and show us through examples of acceptance and ridicule how to dress, how to act, what to watch, what to listen to, and, overall, who to be.
It's a dangerous net that a lot of us fish find ourselves tangled up in. It's not always easy to swim against the tide, after all. In a society that leaves so little room for variation, it seems it's becoming increasingly difficult to know how to be different at all. It's becoming more and more of a struggle for the individual to stand up for himself or herself, to formulate his or her own ideas and thoughts and dreams.
A little bit ago, something I read or heard somewhere finally really clicked. The quote was something along the lines of "When are you going to understand? We can do whatever we want!" At the time, I felt like I knew what this meant. I was so focused on defying society's limitations, I completely forgot about the limitations we place on ourselves as humans and as individuals.
I don't know how many times a day I think to myself, "I wish I could do that." or "I wish I looked like that." or "I could never be that good." Horrible, I know. But aren't we all guilty of putting ourselves down in the same way? Yet, how is this any better than bowing down to other people who tell us that we can't or shouldn't do something?
As a young teenager, I constantly felt like I was fighting against anyone who told me I couldn't be who I wanted to be. Over time, I grew up and realized that fighting was worthless. Everyone has their own opinions and ideas about what is acceptable and what is not. Trying to change others' viewpoints so that they didn't conflict with my own was just as bad as the ridicule they inflicted. Simply being civil and shrugging off those that were too closed-minded to do the same or to try to understand (as I have strived to do), became the best overall solution.
Still, that negative little voice inside of my head continues to do a great job of hindering me from reaching my full potential. And, to put things bluntly, it's stupid. Realistically, I can do whatever I want if I put my mind to it. Why should I -- or any individual -- limit myself? If I want to be the next real-life guitar hero, why the hell can't I be? Everyone starts somewhere, and I'm fortunate enough to have the necessary tools to make it happen. If I want to lose a few pounds so that I feel good about myself (as long as it's done in a healthy manor), why should I settle for feeling like a second rate version of me? If I want to wear heels that show off my long legs, why should I distort what I think is beautiful into negativity because I'm considered tall?
It all sounds so silly... but there's nothing stopping me. There's nothing stopping any of us. Putting social norms and inner negativity aside, if I wanted to dye my hair blond, or write a steamy romance novel, or go to temple, or go streaking through the streets at midnight, or become a criminologist, or learn karate, or just be incredibly reckless, and stupid, and happy, I certainly could. So, what's really stopping me?
Fuck what other people think. If they don't like how I look or what I do, well, it shouldn't really matter should it? Shouldn't we all be free to obtain our own happiness by whatever means necessary -- as long as it doesn't harm anyone else (and annoying the closed-minded certainly doesn't count as 'harm')?
Apologies again, friends. Before I attempted to fall asleep, a boy I've been conversing with from my future college (who I have yet to really meet in person) asked me if I was goth. He was very polite in asking and claimed he didn't mean any disrespect. Although I'm not in the least bit wounded by his asking, it did get me thinking... What has the world come to that we even need such labels?
I've never really tried to classify myself before. Am I goth? Am I emo? Am I scene or a prep or a modern day hippie? Maybe I'm indie? But what is indie exactly? How much black do you have to wear to be goth? Does listening to Fall Out Boy make me emo or do The Beatles cancel that out? Scene kids are the colorful ones, right? I like to run around barefoot and make hemp jewelry... So am I part hippie? Or do I need to go smoke some more green before I'm admitted into that groovy club? I do own more name brand clothing than you'd think... but if you walk into Hot Topic right after you purchase something at American Eagle, I'm pretty sure they revoke your 'Preppy Kid Card.' And seriously, what is indie? Is it like... vintage? Because I dig vintage... well, vintage everything, from photography to jewelry... but do I look like Marilyn Monroe to you? I didn't think so.
So what am I? I feel like it's such a cop-out to just say that I'm me, Elizabeth Amber, but it's the only truthful answer I've got shy of telling people that I'm a "delicate blend of emo and indie, with a dash of goth and a pinch of scene to balance each other out, a teeny-tiny sprinkle of prep, the essence of a modern day hippie, and then about a half-gallon of this weird radioactive green shit I found in the back storage closet that I call my 'secret ingredient.'" Okay, if I some kind of really fucked up soup, maybe that would work.
I blame this whole entry on the kid that asked if I was goth, the Nyquil I'm tripping on (I am actually, legitly sick. I promise.), and all the Black Veil Brides music I've been listening to lately. Oh, and of course, all the Andy Biersack interviews I've been indulging in. That man is seriously inspiring. I love listening to him talk, just because the way he seems to view the world is so simplistic and blunt and different... and so close to my own views that I thought no one else comprehended. *shrugs*
I'm off too bed... maybe.
xoxo,
Liz
P.S. Who are you? Sleep on that tonight. Sweet dreams, my loves! <3
Our world is set up with all kinds of crazy laws. We have signs to tell us when to walk, to stop, to go, where to eat, when to enter, to remind us to wash our hands, that smoking is only permitted outdoors, and that shirt and shoes are required if we expect any sort of customer service. When those fail, society steps in and creates its own set of social norms -- often dependent on geographical location, but varying only slightly from place to place. These norms, which are frequently and deliberately enforced by religious institutions as well as the work place and learning environments, tell us and show us through examples of acceptance and ridicule how to dress, how to act, what to watch, what to listen to, and, overall, who to be.
It's a dangerous net that a lot of us fish find ourselves tangled up in. It's not always easy to swim against the tide, after all. In a society that leaves so little room for variation, it seems it's becoming increasingly difficult to know how to be different at all. It's becoming more and more of a struggle for the individual to stand up for himself or herself, to formulate his or her own ideas and thoughts and dreams.
A little bit ago, something I read or heard somewhere finally really clicked. The quote was something along the lines of "When are you going to understand? We can do whatever we want!" At the time, I felt like I knew what this meant. I was so focused on defying society's limitations, I completely forgot about the limitations we place on ourselves as humans and as individuals.
I don't know how many times a day I think to myself, "I wish I could do that." or "I wish I looked like that." or "I could never be that good." Horrible, I know. But aren't we all guilty of putting ourselves down in the same way? Yet, how is this any better than bowing down to other people who tell us that we can't or shouldn't do something?
As a young teenager, I constantly felt like I was fighting against anyone who told me I couldn't be who I wanted to be. Over time, I grew up and realized that fighting was worthless. Everyone has their own opinions and ideas about what is acceptable and what is not. Trying to change others' viewpoints so that they didn't conflict with my own was just as bad as the ridicule they inflicted. Simply being civil and shrugging off those that were too closed-minded to do the same or to try to understand (as I have strived to do), became the best overall solution.
Still, that negative little voice inside of my head continues to do a great job of hindering me from reaching my full potential. And, to put things bluntly, it's stupid. Realistically, I can do whatever I want if I put my mind to it. Why should I -- or any individual -- limit myself? If I want to be the next real-life guitar hero, why the hell can't I be? Everyone starts somewhere, and I'm fortunate enough to have the necessary tools to make it happen. If I want to lose a few pounds so that I feel good about myself (as long as it's done in a healthy manor), why should I settle for feeling like a second rate version of me? If I want to wear heels that show off my long legs, why should I distort what I think is beautiful into negativity because I'm considered tall?
It all sounds so silly... but there's nothing stopping me. There's nothing stopping any of us. Putting social norms and inner negativity aside, if I wanted to dye my hair blond, or write a steamy romance novel, or go to temple, or go streaking through the streets at midnight, or become a criminologist, or learn karate, or just be incredibly reckless, and stupid, and happy, I certainly could. So, what's really stopping me?
Fuck what other people think. If they don't like how I look or what I do, well, it shouldn't really matter should it? Shouldn't we all be free to obtain our own happiness by whatever means necessary -- as long as it doesn't harm anyone else (and annoying the closed-minded certainly doesn't count as 'harm')?
Apologies again, friends. Before I attempted to fall asleep, a boy I've been conversing with from my future college (who I have yet to really meet in person) asked me if I was goth. He was very polite in asking and claimed he didn't mean any disrespect. Although I'm not in the least bit wounded by his asking, it did get me thinking... What has the world come to that we even need such labels?
I've never really tried to classify myself before. Am I goth? Am I emo? Am I scene or a prep or a modern day hippie? Maybe I'm indie? But what is indie exactly? How much black do you have to wear to be goth? Does listening to Fall Out Boy make me emo or do The Beatles cancel that out? Scene kids are the colorful ones, right? I like to run around barefoot and make hemp jewelry... So am I part hippie? Or do I need to go smoke some more green before I'm admitted into that groovy club? I do own more name brand clothing than you'd think... but if you walk into Hot Topic right after you purchase something at American Eagle, I'm pretty sure they revoke your 'Preppy Kid Card.' And seriously, what is indie? Is it like... vintage? Because I dig vintage... well, vintage everything, from photography to jewelry... but do I look like Marilyn Monroe to you? I didn't think so.
So what am I? I feel like it's such a cop-out to just say that I'm me, Elizabeth Amber, but it's the only truthful answer I've got shy of telling people that I'm a "delicate blend of emo and indie, with a dash of goth and a pinch of scene to balance each other out, a teeny-tiny sprinkle of prep, the essence of a modern day hippie, and then about a half-gallon of this weird radioactive green shit I found in the back storage closet that I call my 'secret ingredient.'" Okay, if I some kind of really fucked up soup, maybe that would work.
I blame this whole entry on the kid that asked if I was goth, the Nyquil I'm tripping on (I am actually, legitly sick. I promise.), and all the Black Veil Brides music I've been listening to lately. Oh, and of course, all the Andy Biersack interviews I've been indulging in. That man is seriously inspiring. I love listening to him talk, just because the way he seems to view the world is so simplistic and blunt and different... and so close to my own views that I thought no one else comprehended. *shrugs*
I'm off too bed... maybe.
xoxo,
Liz
P.S. Who are you? Sleep on that tonight. Sweet dreams, my loves! <3